


I'm just a sucker with low self-esteem

by punkdavekat



Series: the coolkid blues [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 13:23:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5376812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkdavekat/pseuds/punkdavekat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tiny schmoop ft dave being insecure and karkat being the best bf</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm just a sucker with low self-esteem

**Author's Note:**

> title from Self Esteem by the Offspring

One night you pause whatever movie the two of you are watching for the hundredth time and ask him, “What is the thing that bothers you the most about me?”

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you regret them. His face falls, eyes going dark. 

You’ve been wondering this for quite a while. You know he loves you- he tries to tell you at least once every hour or so. But you also can sense it, a slight annoyance in his voice that tells you he’s beginning to get wary. Like he’s getting tired of you. A niggling thought in the back of your mind has been growing steadily louder with every minute, saying, no, Dave, he’s not going to stay just to be nice to you. You offer him nothing. You’re not good enough for love.

He sighs heavily and you flinch.

“You know I love you, right? I love every fucking part of you, even the shittiest, darkest ones. But sometimes you do frustrate me.”

“How?” You wish you could say something witty, the word-vomit you used to cover up the things you’d say that were Not Cool, but you stopped being able to do that with Karkat the first time he told you he loved you. Now, with him, it was like you were suddenly the person in your mind that had always been trying to break through the intense levels of irony. God, that had to be what bothered him, that suddenly you had flipped and let everything show too much and stopped hiding what was really going on in your head.

“Look at me, Dave,” he says, face scrunching the tiniest bit, like he’s disgusted. Your heart is hammering in your chest; you can feel your muscles tensing up, locking so tight that all you can do is try not to shake. He grabs your hand which has clenched into a fist, making and keeping eye contact with you.

“I love you, but I get frustrated with how hard it is for you to believe me. Every time I say something good about you, you immediately start denying what I say. It’s like you’re putting up a fucking wall of ‘no’s. And I know its not your fault. I don't get frustrated with you; I get frustrated that I can’t convince you how fucking amazing you are.”

You let out a relieved breath, raising your hand to your shades and readjusting their cover over your now-watering eyes. You don’t want him to think he made you cry, because he will be guilty and you will have made him that way.

“It’s just.... hard,” you begin, trying to control the waver in your voice. “I’ve spent so long thinking I was good enough, wasn't strong enough, wasn't fast enough. I always had to hide who I was, I guess?”

He brings his face close to yours and kisses you on the temple. “I know, Dave. I just... I feel so helpless sometimes, because I can’t help you. I want to make you see yourself the way I see you.”

You try to choose your next words carefully. “They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I’ve got 20/20 and everything I see is flawed.”

“Well fuck that, my species is nocturnal and my eyes are better for the darkness. But when I look at you? All I see is the light.”


End file.
